I am halfway finished! You thought I had finished long ago, and was just being humbly quiet about it?Not so!
This book is simply the best gift, the gift that keeps on giving, the gift that blesses the giftee with the gift of knowledge, and then blesses others with their gifted writing.
(On rereading that, I may have used the word 'gift' too many times; I will consult Strunk and White later to see what is appropriate; sometimes repetitiveness is good, sometimes it is not; it can be confusing, this quest for good writing.)
However, I have mastered the following principles of composition.
It is not acceptable to write:
Jordan, against the wishes of all people everywhere, after watching Prince Caspian on T.V., named his first daughter Prunaprismia, thinking there could not be any other Prunaprismia's in her kindergarten class--that's for darn tootin' sure--only to be saddened later, after years of holding his breath in anticipation of his daughter having the perfect unique name, found that, indeed, there were other C.S. Lewis fans in the world, and sadly, there was not just one, but two other Prunie's in her class, as they were lovingly called by their families, and she, having a witchy teacher, had to write Prunaprismia C. on all her papers; what seemed like a blessing--to Jordan--had now become a curse to innocent Prunie.
It is acceptable to write:
Against the wishes of all people everywhere, Jordan named his first daughter Prunaprismia in honor of his favorite author, C.S. Lewis.
It is not acceptable to write:
Bear, who live in the beautiful and fun state of Alaska, are ferocious and own sharp claws and teeth, and will eat small children any time of the day at the slightest opportunity, even if said child is holding bear spray, because everyone agrees that does not work, and so, Cindy and her husband David, did what any good parents would do, and quickly moved back to Utah with their young son in tow, knowing that the greatest threat he would face there would be a swift kick in the butt from Grandpa for messing with the vent covers, like poor cousin James, who has happily recovered with minimal emotional scarring.
It is acceptable to write:
Though Alaska is beautiful and fun, Cindy and David moved back home to Utah to protect their young son from ferocious bears.
4 comments:
Poor James! Are you coming to visit next summer? I promise we will find you a bear, or two, or twenty.
It doesn't sound like Cindy took your writing seriously. I thought for sure she and David would want to move back when she read your clear warning.
And thank you for giving us a heads up on the name, we'll have to drop Prunaprismia from our list. Thank you for blessing us and our unborn child through your writing.
Hi Natasha! Thanks for the relevant comment.
Cindy--I need you to focus. What you should have taken away from this post was not that James may come visit you next summer and needs to see a bear, but that YOU should MOVE HOME to UTAH as soon as possible, where your young son will be relatively safe from attack.
You need to write more. You are such fun to read.
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